Letter to my dearest
by Natto Pudding
Summary: A letter for Kiyoshi from a girl he met at the hospital. [Kiyoshi/OC]
1. Letter

To Kiyoshi Teppei.

My dearest friend,

I wouldn't bother with all the formalities, because you know me better than the façade I put on.

From the very beginning, I have hated that cheesy smile of yours.

Since the moment we met, I have hated that broad, kind smile on your face.

It is exactly how I imagined real sunshine to be, gentle, warm yet somewhat melancholic, it brought this glowing, fluffy touch to my heart, the kind of feeling you get drinking lukewarm hot chocolate on a cold winter night. I scoffed at myself for having thoughts like these, as you know I have never left this hospital since the day I was born.

The only contact I had with the sun's rays is when I held out my hand to catch the little warmth left after they filtered through the thick window glass and its dust covered surface.

Neither have I been through any cold winter nights, nor have I tasted hot chocolate in my life.

But like I said, I despise that smile of yours.

I have always seen a crude imitation of that smile whenever I looked into the mirror. Slowly I have come to realize the reason why my own smile was just a flawed counterfeit of yours. Your smile existed to console and protect others, while my smile only existed to protect myself. I was always scared that they will cut off my lifeline so I had to put on that painstakingly polite masquerade, but you were different, through that smile you told little white lies that provided solace to your friends and family, something that I could never do.

I can never read that smile of yours. Remember that time just after I learnt that the success rate of this operation will be low? It still makes me laugh when I think of how my plan really backfired. I knew that no matter what happens, you will still stick with me until the end, yet I tried to push you away because I didn't want to get hurt because of me.

I kissed my cousin, it was timed perfectly so that you will see us when you entered my room, I didn't dare to look at your expression because somewhere deep down inside I actually held a selfish wish that you will see through my act.

And when I looked up you had the same smile on your face albeit there was a stronger tint of sadness in your eyes than usual. The first emotion that reached me was a sense of relieve, but after a second I got really jealous because of your lack of reaction to me kissing someone other than you. (By the way, it wasn't really a kiss. I had my thumb over his lips.)

I hate those large, warm hands of yours.

Remember how I kept pestering you to compare the length of our hands? It was just an excuse to feel the warmth of your large, rough hands calloused by all the hard work you've put yourself through. You always see through those lies and entwine your fingers with my thin, cold ones. Even when I pretended to be annoyed, you will only tighten your hold against my small palms.

I hate your hands, because I get addicted to their warmth, and it makes it hard for me to let go.

When you held my hand, I liked to close my eyes and lean against your strong, broad shoulder. I would imagine that we were in a park rather than this prison of whiteness; I would imagine that I could smell the faint scent of grass and warm soil instead of the disinfectant, the chirping of birds instead of the beeping of machines.

Sometimes I would be mean and ask you to make impossible promises. But you always played along. Do you still remember? You promised to bring me to watch one of your basketball matches one day.

Even though we both knew it was an impossible feat, I am contended with excitement of just looking forward to it.

If you are reading this letter then it can only mean one thing, fate has already forcefully pulled my hands out of yours.

I don't really care where I would be gone, because any place without you is painful. But I am thankful of the short time we had together.

In the short span of a few months, you have changed my prison into a sanctuary.

I have decided to write it down here, the words that could never come out of my prideful self.

Thank you.

I will always be wishing for your happiness, and from wherever I am, I will be watching you and your team become Japan's number one.

Yours forever,

The girl in the next room

P.S. I'm drinking water as I'm writing so I might have spilt a few droplets here and there, hopefully the ink wouldn't have smudged by the time this letter reaches you.

…

…

…

Haha.

I guess I just can't be honest with myself until the very end.

I can imagine how you will be smiling and asking whether I have really said what I meant to say. Please forgive me for being so selfish, I might have no rights to be saying this now but –

I love your cheesy smile.

I love your big, gentle hands.

I love you.


	2. Moment

Kiyoshi's finger lingered on the dog-eared letter, its weathered state held evidence to the umpteen times he had gone through it. His long finger stopped at an uneven patch, it was shaped like a splatter, and tiny grains of transparent crystal stubbornly attached themselves to its surface. He smiled to himself as the girl leaning on his shouldered shifted her position, sleepily rubbing her eyes as she awoke from her dream.

It was in autumn, a month after her operation had went smoothly.

Warm sunshine gently filtered through the gaps between falling leaves, a cool breeze brought with it the faint scent of grass and warm soil, birds assembled on branches to chirp their harmonious songs. It might have sounded like a picturesque vista but it was just an extremely ordinary scenery, a plain, and unkempt hospital garden, one that anyone would have passed by without paying any attention to.

Yet, to them, it was their haven.

However the blissful mood didn't last for long.

"Is that what I think it is?" She saw the familiar piece of paper in his hands and automatically stabbed him with a death glare, but Kiyoshi only smiled whimsically back at her. If only her body was more competent, she would have tried snatched the letter away, but it felt too heavy and lethargic for exercise of that sort. She watched as Kiyoshi turned his warm gaze to the piece of paper.

"Were you drinking salty water when you wrote this?" He suddenly turned back to face her with widened eyes.

"Eh?" She returned his question with a perplexed expression.

"I'm drinking water as I'm writing so I might have spilt a few droplets here and there." Kiyoshi recited the line from her letter.

"There is salt on the paper." He smeared the minuscule grain off the paper and held the crystallization of her tears towards her. Immediately, her faced turned as red as the autumn leafs that were fluttering in the air.

Sometimes she can't tell whether Kiyoshi is really just goofy or actually messing around with her.

"Of- of course I was drinking salt water. What else can it be?" She stuttered with flushed cheeks, this earned her an earnest chuckle from Kiyoshi. Whether it's a polite façade or the curt attitude she puts up only around him, she just couldn't bring herself to be straight forward with her feelings.

"_Baka!_"

"Why are you reading that now?" She crossed her arms as she attempted to change the topic. "Even though my operation went well, there are still postoperative complications and stuff-"

She halted her words, knowing that she had wandered down the wrong track in the conversation. She was too hasty to change the change the conversation in her flustered state, her deepest worries just poured out naturally. He knew what she was about to say, but he patiently waited for her to continue.

"It wouldn't be surprising if I am to die tomorrow."

She watched as a hint of sorrow crept into his eyes, in those gentle brown eyes, she also saw the same painful look painted on the reflection of herself. Her last sentence had evoked a question, in subtle way, she had voiced her fear. _What if she disappear the next day? _And the reply he gave her was in the form of one of his signature goofy grins.

"It'll be alright. I'll be here to protect you." He ruffled her hair his large, warm palm.

Once again, he made an impossible promise to her.

She was fighting a battle that can only be faced by herself, there was no way anyone else can do it in her place. But his smile and his promise lifted fears off those fragile shoulders, she will face it by herself but she wasn't alone, he will always be there for her until the very end. The only lingering regret on her mind was how she can't support him like the way he did for her.

The promise for her to see his matches can never be fulfilled, she wouldn't be able to leave the hospital compound until a year later and by that time he would have been forced to retired from the sport and the team he loved so much.

"It's getting a little cold, let's go back in." Kiyoshi suggested as a sudden strong gust sent fallen leaves flying up into the air.

"I don't want to." She pouted and sat glued to the bench like a stubborn child, it was only in front of him that she showed this immature side of herself. "I don't know when the doctors are going to let me out again."

With that tolerant, warm smile of his, he embraced everything. Her imperfection, her anxiety, her fears.

"Plus, I've got your uniform, I'm not cold." She flapped the sleeves of his gakuran around, it was clearly too big on her.

"Are you sure?" He lifted a finger to stroke her cheek, its warmth reassured him that she was fine.

"But I guess my left hand is a little cold." She hinted and stared meaningfully at him with narrowed eyes.

With that same cheesy smile, he held out his right hand to her, prompting her to place her small hand onto that warm, large palm, their fingers instinctively glided across the other's, ending in a natural interlocked position. She leaned onto his broad shoulder habitually. The entire process felt so intuitive, something anyone else would have easily taken for grant, but not her, not him.

To them, the moment was precious, it was ephemeral, a fleeting dream that could easily escape from their grasp.

* * *

Natto's Note:

Thanks for all the lovely and thought reviews! *spins around and spoils the mood* Rasielis: hehe I did that too! c: also, thanks so much for all your lovely comments on my other fics too! I'm already drafting out an expansion on the Hanamiya one!

Kiyoshi and his selfless love. + another nameless OC for me. Tsundere yay

This chapter is actually written together with the letter (first chapter) but I excluded it when I uploaded the story. I wanted to make a tragic end, but somehow it ended up like this and this part kind of spoiled the mood for me, so I left the letter by itself so that the reader can imagine what happens + this part kind of sucked, writing-wise (Sorry, I'm giving excuses because I can't write a proper tragic ending = 3 =).

After seeing Oluhasuu's and hokkyokukou's advice, I reread through the first part and felt that it was lacking as they have pointed out, so I uploaded this section.


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